New Year Resolution

Yesterday I awoke till late night. The haunting thoughts popped up in mind as a dissatisfaction of my present ME. Those thoughts propelled me to contemplate my daily routines and the habit patterns. To sleep late morning and regret: I could have got up little earlier, have morning walk and lose a few pound. Work day long. Feel the victim of the situation in which I have no control. Gather with the friends in the evening, chatting and alleging other people and situation for my present ME. Spend time and energy in negative/reactive thoughts-word-actions. The list become very long and boring..

I watched my thought pattern:
"That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined. There's nothing I can do about it.
"He makes me so mad!" I'm not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside my control.
"I can't do that. I just don't have the time." Something outside me, limited time is controlling me.
"If only my wife were more patient." Someone else behavior is limiting my effectiveness.
“ I will start this work later, I have no mood to start now”. I procrastinate. I wait till favorable mood arrive.
"I have to do it." Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do. I'm not free to choose my own actions.
In summary: I always speak the Reactive Language: There's nothing I can do. That's just the way I am. I did not get the opportunity because of the bad system. He makes me so mad. They won't allow that. I have to do that. I can't. I must. I am victim of outside circumstances and I have no control of my self. I wonder where this would lead me. .Is in the direction of the happiness and peace..?

I pondered whether I am a simple bio-program such that my habits, activities and responses are controlled by outside. Is there any mean to deviate from it? I made sketch of my activities and responses (as in figure). At the center there is my being which is surrounded by a small circle (doing); circle of my habit patterns and the activities of my direct control. Out of it lies another circle; circle of my influences where the results are decided jointly by my activities and outside situations (trying). My career, my success and my social behavior represents the circle. Out of this circle is the plane of those actions, in which I have no control whatever I do, like the geo-political conditions, past effects and other situations (no control).
See what am I doing! I blame the activities of outermost circle (no control) for my career and success belonging to middle circle (trying), and I allege the happenings of the middle circle for my habit patterns and happiness (doing). Outside-in approach, a common collective reactive psychology and a way of becoming victim , is not it?

Then I questioned myself, “Can’t I invert the approach? Inside-out. Then, came my resolution.

Apart from achieving my academic and career schedule, I resolve to be the best of myself; to be energetic, healthy, authentic, and forgiving to self and other. The approach is by doing my best in the innermost circle (doing), trying my best in the circle of my influence (trying) and living with acceptance with the incidents of the outermost circle (no control)?”

The big challenge is how to achieve the goal. I know I could not achieve these goals in the great extent in short time. However, I can strife and put my honest effort to achieve them. Thus I decided I would measure my success, not with achieving the goal, but with my continuous efforts to achieve them. The indicator of my success will be the degree of my sincerity in effort NOT in the goal I achieve.

Few times I hesitated to publish the post, later decided to do thinking that sharing with the friends could provide the exchange of positive energy. Friends, I will be very happy to know your resolution. Let's share our resolutions..

Divine Romance - II

After long restless search for his guru in his teen age time, Yogananda met his guru in an implausible circumstance at the narrow street of Banaras. When I went through at first time, I couldnot continue anymore without letting my emotion to subside. Everytime I read these paragraphs, I feel wonderful sensation in me. The following paragraphs discribe the glimses of thier first union. ( from book: An Autobiography of a Yogi)
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...Another day I might have replied impatiently; now I wiped my tear- swollen face and meekly obeyed the summons. Together Habu and I set out for a distant market place in the Bengali section of Benares. The ungentle Indian sun was not yet at zenith as we made our purchases in the bazaars. We pushed our way through the colorful medley of housewives, guides, priests, simply-clad widows, dignified Brahmins, and the ubiquitous holy bulls. Passing an inconspicuous lane, I turned my head and surveyed the narrow length.
A Christlike man in the ocher robes of a swami stood motionless at the end of the road. Instantly and anciently familiar he seemed; my gaze fed hungrily for a trice. Then doubt assailed me. "You are confusing this wandering monk with someone known to you," I thought.

"Dreamer, walk on." After ten minutes, I felt heavy numbness in my feet. As though turned to stone, they were unable to carry me farther. Laboriously I turned around; my feet regained normalcy. I faced the opposite direction; again the curious weight oppressed me. "The saint is magnetically drawing me to him!" With this thought, I heaped my parcels into the arms of Habu. He had been observing my erratic footwork with amazement, and now burst into laughter. "What ails you? Are you crazy?" My tumultuous emotion prevented any retort; I sped silently away. Retracing my steps as though wing-shod, I reached the narrow lane. My quick glance revealed the quiet figure, steadily gazing in my direction. A few eager steps and .....I was at his feet.

"Gurudeva!"

The divine face was none other than he of my thousand visions. These halcyon eyes, in leonine head with pointed beard and flowing locks, had oft peered through gloom of my nocturnal reveries, holding a promise I had not fully understood.
"O my own, you have come to me!" My guru uttered the words again and again in Bengali, his voice tremulous with joy. "How many years I have waited for you!"
We entered a oneness of silence; words seemed the rankest superfluities. Eloquence flowed in soundless chant from heart of master to disciple. With an antenna of irrefragable insight I sensed that my guru knew God, and would lead me to Him. The obscuration of this life disappeared in a fragile dawn of prenatal memories. Dramatic time! Past, present, and future are its cycling scenes. This was not the first sun to find me at these holy feet!
My hand in his, my guru led me to his temporary residence in the Rana Mahal section of the city. His athletic figure moved with firm tread. Tall, erect, about fifty-five at this time, he was active and vigorous as a young man. His dark eyes were large, beautiful with plumbless wisdom. Slightly curly hair softened a face of striking power. Strength mingled subtly with gentleness. As we made our way to the stone balcony of a house overlooking the Ganges, he said affectionately: "I will give you my hermitages and all I possess."

"Sir, I come for wisdom and God-contact. Those are your treasure- troves I am after!" The swift Indian twilight had dropped its half-curtain before my master spoke again. His eyes held unfathomable tenderness. "I give you my unconditional love." Precious words! A quarter-century elapsed before I had another auricular proof of his love. His lips were strange to ardor; silence became his oceanic heart.

"Will you give me the same unconditional love?" He gazed at me with childlike trust.

"I will love you eternally, Gurudeva!"

"Ordinary love is selfish, darkly rooted in desires and satisfactions. Divine love is without condition, without boundary, without change. The flux of the human heart is gone forever at the transfixing touch of pure love." He added humbly, "If ever you find me falling from a state of God-realization, please promise to put my head on your lap and help to bring me back to the Cosmic Beloved we both worship."………………………

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Divine Romance

Love is the ingredient of life, romance is its active expression and the longing is the realization of its importance. I was always thrilled and fascinated while reading the love　stories during my earlier college time. It was beautiful experience where I could observe my emotional appeared in my heart in the course of reading them. During those times, I learned the another dimension of love- quite different from the one I used to get from my parents- where the pain and happiness merges in one; more the pain of longing, more the out-coming happiness. From the diverse literature I went through, be it Munamadan to Mukund-Indira, or Women in Love to Anna Karenina, the quality of newly discovered love is same; more the sense of giving and understanding, sweeter becomes the story. All of these writers unanimously identified the quality of love in devotion and unconditional nature. By and by, I encountered yet another dimension of love through some ‘intoxicated’ writers/poems like Tagore, Rumi, Umar Khayyam, Khalil Gibran, where the heart longs for their undiscovered beloved; another quality of love in which the ‘self’ intends to dissolve totally with beloved. Their stories were awesome and incredible. The same quality of love, more graspable yet, was also discovered between the seeker, in the quest of self realization and the Master who inspires and accelerates his journey. Their stories were heart-blowing. Because of the avalanche of the surprising emotional, my eyes used to overflow by the tears and it was impossible to read the next episode. And ah! I like to admit that these stories ignited the esoteric fire in me.

Here, I like share few paragraphs from such story. It is the portion of the story when a seeker (Yogananda) was in search of his guru, wandered everywhere and finally　met him (Yukteshwor) at the street of Banaras in an implausible circumstance. .

To be continued....