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11 December, 2008

Art of Emotional Mastery

Emotions are the wonderful gift to us what demarcate human being with a potential robot, however complex program and sophistication are imagined and implemented with it. If we believe happiness is within us, in our way of reacting the present states, then the emotion is the grosser entity within us to work with. No one in this world has become happy and be in peace without mastering the emotions that arise and diminishe according to their own causes. Unfortunately, there are no schools and universities which teach us the way of mastering them. Hence, this branch always has become very subjective, fuzzy and the travel to unknown land. Even more puzzling aspect is that the people who seem to be teaching this art, many-times lack the essence in their own living, thus creating controversy of teaching in the earnest seeker.

Knowingly or unknowingly we are all constantly searching the emotion that brings us the pleasure and avoiding those emotions which bring the pains, be it in bodily or mental form. That means our mind-body state is either in craving state or in the state of aversion. Then, a natural question arises whether we are program or the programmer. Unfortunately, we seems to be a network of program written by our society, upbringing, religions and our so-called education, and naturally the switch of our emotional states- happiness, pain, anger, boring etc - are outside us. If someone scolds ME, without actually knowing to the true ME, the program in ME starts to create the psychosomatic reactions to produce the emotion that we called ANGER. When someone praises ME, the program in ME creates bio-chemical reaction to produce the effect that we label PLEASANT MOOD. If we are programmer of our being, we could laugh wholeheartedly to whatever negative expression is released to us. And equally, when needed, I could be angry against all the positive feeling being presented. Thus to understand, accept and live harmoniously with the emotions consciously, is one of the most wonderful art; and perhaps, most difficult too. The only way to master the emotions is by understanding their true nature, the way they are, without preoccupied judgment of good or bad. The emotions- including those we label them BAD- are our ally not enemy and constantly serving us by delivering the signals which can be used to create the result for the greater meaning of WHO AM I. In the following paragraphs I like to share some secrets I found from the books I went through.

Part I. Dealing with Negative Emotion

Realize that the emotions you are feeling at this very moment are a gift, a guideline, a support system, a call to action. If you suppress your emotions and try to drive them out of your life, or if you magnify them and allow them to take over everything, then you're squandering one of life's most precious resources.

So what is the source of emotions? You are the source of all your emotions; you are the one who creates them. So many people feel that they have to wait for certain experiences in order to feel the emotions they desire. For instance, they don't give themselves permission to feel loved or happy or confident unless a particular set of expectations is met. ……….You don't have to wait for anything or anyone! You don't need any special reason to feel good—you can just decide to feel good right now, simply because you're alive, simply because you want to. So if you're the source of all your emotions, why don't you feel good all the time? Again, it's because your so-called negative emotions are giving you a message. What is the message of these Action Signals (Negative signals)? They're telling you that what you're currently doing is not working, that the reason you have pain is either the way you're perceiving things or the procedures you're using: specifically, the way you're communicating your needs and desires to people, or the actions you're taking. What you're doing is not producing the result you want, and you have to change your approach. Remember that your perceptions are controlled by what you focus on and the meanings you interpret from things. And you can change your perception in a moment, just by changing the way you're using your physiology or by asking yourself a better question. Your procedures include your style of communication. Maybe you're being too harsh in the way you communicate, or maybe your procedure is not even communicating your needs, and you're expecting other people to know what you need. This could create a lot of frustration, anger, and hurt in your life. Maybe this Action Signal of feeling hurt is trying to tell you that you need to change your way of communicating so you don't feel hurt again in the future. Feeling depressed is another call to action, telling you that you need to change your perception that the problems you're dealing with are permanent or out of control. Or, you need to take some kind of physical action to handle one area of your life so that once again you remember that you are in control.

This is the true message of all your Action Signals. They're merely trying to support you in taking action to change the way you think, change the way you're perceiving things, or change your procedures for communicating or behaving. These calls to action are there to remind you that you don't want to be like the fly who keeps banging himself against the window, trying to get through the glass—if you don't change your approach, all the persistence in the world will never pay off. Your Action Signals are whispering to you (perhaps screaming!), through the experience of pain, that you need to change what you're doing.


I've found that whenever I feel a painful emotion, there are six steps I can take very quickly to break my limiting patterns, find the benefit of that emotion, and set myself up so that in the future I can get the lesson from the emotion and eliminate the pain more quickly. Let's examine them briefly.


Identify What You're Really Feeling

So often people feel so overloaded they don't even know what they're feeling. All they know is that they're being "attacked" by all these negative emotions and feelings. Instead of feeling overloaded, step back for a moment and ask yourself, "What am I really feeling right now?" If you think at first, "I'm feeling angry," begin to ask yourself, "Am I really feeling angry? Or is it something else? Maybe what I'm really feeling is hurt. Or I feel like I've lost out on something." Realize that a feeling of hurt or a feeling of loss is not as intense as the feeling of anger. Just in taking a moment to identify what you're really feeling, and beginning to question your emotions, you may be able to lower the emotional intensity you're experiencing, and therefore deal with the situation much more quickly and easily. If, for example, you say, "Right now I feel rejected," you might ask yourself, "Am I feeling rejected, or am I feeling a sense of separation from a person I love? Am I feeling rejected, or am I feeling disappointed! Am I feeling rejected, or am I feeling a little uncomfortable?" Remember the power of Transformational Vocabulary to immediately lower your intensity. Again, as you identify what you're really feeling, you can lower the intensity even more, which makes it much easier to learn from the emotion…..

From the book Awaken the Giant within


To be continued……

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