New Year Resolution

Yesterday I awoke till late night. The haunting thoughts popped up in mind as a dissatisfaction of my present ME. Those thoughts propelled me to contemplate my daily routines and the habit patterns. To sleep late morning and regret: I could have got up little earlier, have morning walk and lose a few pound. Work day long. Feel the victim of the situation in which I have no control. Gather with the friends in the evening, chatting and alleging other people and situation for my present ME. Spend time and energy in negative/reactive thoughts-word-actions. The list become very long and boring..

I watched my thought pattern:
"That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined. There's nothing I can do about it.
"He makes me so mad!" I'm not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside my control.
"I can't do that. I just don't have the time." Something outside me, limited time is controlling me.
"If only my wife were more patient." Someone else behavior is limiting my effectiveness.
“ I will start this work later, I have no mood to start now”. I procrastinate. I wait till favorable mood arrive.
"I have to do it." Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do. I'm not free to choose my own actions.
In summary: I always speak the Reactive Language: There's nothing I can do. That's just the way I am. I did not get the opportunity because of the bad system. He makes me so mad. They won't allow that. I have to do that. I can't. I must. I am victim of outside circumstances and I have no control of my self. I wonder where this would lead me. .Is in the direction of the happiness and peace..?

I pondered whether I am a simple bio-program such that my habits, activities and responses are controlled by outside. Is there any mean to deviate from it? I made sketch of my activities and responses (as in figure). At the center there is my being which is surrounded by a small circle (doing); circle of my habit patterns and the activities of my direct control. Out of it lies another circle; circle of my influences where the results are decided jointly by my activities and outside situations (trying). My career, my success and my social behavior represents the circle. Out of this circle is the plane of those actions, in which I have no control whatever I do, like the geo-political conditions, past effects and other situations (no control).
See what am I doing! I blame the activities of outermost circle (no control) for my career and success belonging to middle circle (trying), and I allege the happenings of the middle circle for my habit patterns and happiness (doing). Outside-in approach, a common collective reactive psychology and a way of becoming victim , is not it?

Then I questioned myself, “Can’t I invert the approach? Inside-out. Then, came my resolution.

Apart from achieving my academic and career schedule, I resolve to be the best of myself; to be energetic, healthy, authentic, and forgiving to self and other. The approach is by doing my best in the innermost circle (doing), trying my best in the circle of my influence (trying) and living with acceptance with the incidents of the outermost circle (no control)?”

The big challenge is how to achieve the goal. I know I could not achieve these goals in the great extent in short time. However, I can strife and put my honest effort to achieve them. Thus I decided I would measure my success, not with achieving the goal, but with my continuous efforts to achieve them. The indicator of my success will be the degree of my sincerity in effort NOT in the goal I achieve.

Few times I hesitated to publish the post, later decided to do thinking that sharing with the friends could provide the exchange of positive energy. Friends, I will be very happy to know your resolution. Let's share our resolutions..